Note: This blog post was written on the 14th of October, 2024...
I admit it, I have a problem…
I am absolutely horrible at friendship and let me explain why.
Well, I’m not bad at friendships in general, just new ones.
I always go on and on about how I really want to make new friends and hang out with them, but I have a slight problem with ghosting people.
I don’t even do it intentionally. Sometimes, I just forget to reply to their message, and then it feels rude to respond (after I finally remember a couple of weeks or months later…oops)
I don’t do well in new spaces, especially alone. I don’t talk when I’m by myself in public, mostly because I most likely don’t even want to be there in the first place.
I finally started my NYSC scheme last year november (i’m done now, yay!), and I was posted to Lagos state, but I had to do my orientation camp in Iseyin, Oyo state because Lagos orientation camp was full.
I was not looking forward to it, mostly because I had previously insisted on not doing NYSC, but was forced to by my parents. Hesitantly, I packed my bags and headed to Iseyin.
I resumed a couple of days late, and I already knew most people would have already formed their little camp clique of people they met there on the first or second day, or people they came with from school. You see, I had no school friends there because my set had already finished their service year like a year before, so I was basically alone, and I really did not want to try and make friends with people already in a friendship group. So I planned to keep to myself and manage the couple of days I was going to spend there.
That was until I met my dear friend.
We met on my first day there while we were both doing our documentation. I had almost finished mine, so I was helping her with hers.
We clicked almost instantly, and that made me happy.
Throughout my stay, I made a couple of friends, but she was my close friend whom I went everywhere and did everything with. She was the sweetest girl ever, to be honest, and she made my 4-day camp experience worth it.
I promised myself that I was going to keep in touch with her and even hang out together, as she was also doing her service year in Lagos.
Shockingly, I was a bit sad to leave camp early, and it was all because of her. We texted for a bit while I was back in Lagos and she was in camp, she updated me on things happening in camp, and I experienced it from home thanks to her.
But soon enough, the texting stopped.💀
Nope, it did not just fizzle out like it happens most times.
She sent me a text and typical of me, I forgot to reply…
I know, I know, I’m a terrible person. Common knowledge.
But omo, I was busy and said to myself that I’ll reply later and I remembered like a week later.
Imagine replying a week later with the popular message “Sorry, I’m just seeing this 😞”
You gan, you know it’s a popular lie. Is it not better to ghost than to lie? No? Oh okay then.
Well, that was over a year ago, so there’s nothing I can do now.
I wanted to message her on our POP (passing out parade) day to congratulate her, but omo fear catch me.
I was thinking maybe I should lie that I misplaced my phone or that my WhatsApp cleared or something, but I said no, let me have small shame.
So, that’s how that beautiful friendship ended. If you’re seeing this, I miss you, and I hope life is going great for you.
The last time I successfully made a long-lasting friend was during my final year at University.
We stopped talking for a few days or weeks that time too, but now he’s stuck with me oh, and he’s one of my best friends.
Now let me tell you about another promising friendship that I ruined, and this one is even quite recent.
After my short trip this late summer, I had to quickly go to the NYSC secretariat to get my NYSC identification card. When I got there I was overwhelmed by the large crowd of people there, and I did not know where to start from, so I just stood there like a lost puppy.
Until God sent me my angel…
As I stood there thinking about my life, I saw a full head of short boho braids come up behind me and a voice followed…I actually can’t remember what she said but she said something about the ID card sha, and we soon figured that we were both there to do the same thing, and somehow somehow, we stuck together to figure it out.
What’s better than one clueless person? Two clueless people!
They sha said two heads are better than one.
Don’t let me give you the full gist about this day, because omo it was a long day, but just know that she helped me a lot.
I love meeting active people because left to me, I would’ve just stood there until something somehow worked out for me.
After a couple of hours, I remembered that I didn’t even know this girl’s name, so of course I asked her, and we exchanged numbers.
We left together and I dropped her off, while I made my way to my office.
She sent me a text that same day, and as usual, I said I’ll reply later.
Then she double text me 😂
To be honest, I appreciated the effort, so I replied.
Until she asked for my picture and I freaked out and ghosted again…
It’s a reflex action at this point– to ghost when someone asks for my pictures.
This is not due to any weird insecurity or whatever.
You know back in school when a guy texts you and says “Can you send a picture of yourself?” and you get the biggest ick? Yeah, that’s what it was.
You get the ick and ghost.
To be fair, I was just going to send her my Instagram or something, but I forgot.
And yeah, it’s too late for that.
If I do that right now, she fit swear for me sef.
I could go on and on about friendships I’ve mistakenly ghosted and ruined but we’ll be here all day.
I know I’m not a bad person or a bad friend, but I guess I’m not in the right mental space for new friendships right now, and I hope they understand and don’t judge me too harshly.
Do you have issues making and maintaining new friendships? Do you have any tips?
